Once,
No!
Several times I remember it was
In mid sentence, she would take the little vase
[yard flowers
It must have been Spring semester
they usually were irises]
and holding the stems to one side
drink
not sip, really drink
and without so much as a "by your leave"
continue

I never saw this for my self
But I believe it to be true
Several independent attestations
And if it is not true
It should be

.
.
.
.
.
.
'Snapshot of Joy'
No coif
No glint of gold on ebony skin
Just Smile
that shines-glows-pours
from eyes and smiling mouth
radiant
deluge of Joy

:~:~:~:~:~:~:

JoySnapshot
Not coif
Not glint of gold on ebony skin
all Smile
shining-glowing-pouring
out and overflow
eyes
smilegushing mouth
radiant
Joy deluge

Or are you really, really glad to see me?



I live in eyeshot of the newest of these three towers, the one on the left in the photo, Compton Hill. They were all built in the 1800s, all to cover unsightly standpipes, and were in use only for a relatively few years. Fortunately, they are preserved as monuments, some better than others, fine monuments to the aesthetic and industrial history of Saint Louis.

More info:
http://www.stlwater.com/watertowers.php#grandtower
http://www.watertowerfoundation.org/home.asp

(I began to write down some thoughts on my 71st birthday.
Knowing I would not have the discipline nor the thoughts I would want to save
for a daily diary, still I have saved some thoughts- this the sixth so far.)




Pensees 71-6 Thanks, but now, Goodbye

Old friend
Both long-time 20+ years
and old
Ten years older than me
Fell and hit his head
Brain began to bleed
Hadn't eaten, couldn't eat
Assumed that he was hungry
So the doctors said
and the family bought into...

For his Thanksgiving Feast
He was given a "feeding tube"
"Given" not right
because it was no gift

For he was not/ is not hungry
not that way, in that sense
Hungering, yes
Hungry for some other place
Some other way of being
Not this
existing
of pain and brain bleed
and bed which gives no rest

Any where but here
Any here but where?

That's why, we understand
It is so easy to slip in that tube
which feeds
but does not nourish
which feeds the coffers
That insatiable medical maw
sates as well any residual familial guilt

"but really, really
I've had enough
It's been delicious,
all of it
Still
I mustn't have even the least sip more
of your "life" "giving" nectar
And now, I really must go
Must leave
and please stop delaying my departure.
I will be fine, really
Will find my way
Be safe and warm
and welcomed, even,
if those "near" "death" folk
are telling the truth
So, for now, let me go see
And
My love, and thanks
to all of you
To all of you, adieu!

Image
I'm age
I am aged

Image
Imagination
Image a nation
I am aged nation
I am a generation
I am agitation

person
parson
parsimony

person
persimmon
purse string
pursuit

play like
play act
play at
imagine

The dishes were dirty, so I washed them
She was dirty, so I washed her; hair too.
The sheets were dirty, so I changed them.
Now the dishes are dirty.
Today I do not like my life.

Every morning so fa I have got out and walked- down a couple of blocks to a lovely coffee shop.
This morning Im having a couple of cups in my apt. And then I WILL go walk a bit in the park
I will I will I rreaally, really will!

Awoke rested and peaceful
So much lately has been the huge knot in stomach
And just so sad
Feeling like Im moving to die
Nothing to look forward to except more sick....
Well you get the idea
But today is better
Hope its to stay
And for now its great
And if I change i to y and drop an a
I'll be "dennyStL"
Get to that soon as do a "few" other things

woke up with mind awork with painful, hurtful things
things done to me
things I'd done to others
recent, long ago,
uncontrolled whirlpool of angry, nasty hurt & resentment
cauldron of bile abubble
When it's happened before
or anything like this- the process happens, just the content
is different
I'll "make it go away" but jumping up, distracting, burying it
back wherever it was it came from
This day
Instead, I sat up quietly with this whirling mass
Watched with closed eyes
remembered scenes, became floating illustrations,
becomes leaf-like, dark and dry
now more flying than floating
and I am raking them, raking them into a pile
then setting the pile ablaze
and seeing each painful snapshot of the past
smoke, smoulder, blaze, then disappear
in ashes
A Gift
No proper "exercise"
No planned procedure to eliminate the pain
Just what developed, what became
as I sat there with my eyes closed
having decided to deal with this, not jump up and distract myself
and all that hurt and harm I think
if it is not gone
there will be a better way to confront
next time it bubbles to the top

today where I was subbing for a vacationing friend, there was a visiting
art teacher, from West Texas, yet, near where I grew up.
This is how I looked to her from her vantage point of a front pew .
I really like the spirit of it, if not the "Little John" girth